Recently I hit on a subject that I’ve wanted to speak on for a long time. I don’t want to bore you with it and I don’t want to be all doom and gloom, but if you want to be happy, don’t ignore the ego.
Our egos are powerful. They are part of who we are, and they have a habit of controlling our lives. They have a will of their own, and refuse to listen to the facts. They are a constant source of stress that can make all relationships a struggle. They are responsible for why we stick to unhealthy habits and why we let our partners down. And they are why we fail.
Contrary to popular belief, the ego is actually a very sensitive part of our psyche. Basically, that’s what we think we are. When our ego is hurt or threatened, we tend to defend ourselves. If you find that your ego often takes you away from the present moment, try the free 30-day meditation challenge. You get into a great daily routine and begin to find a sense of inner peace away from the ego.
Needless to say, this deep-seated (and often misguided) aspect can cause a major rift in our relationship. Notice the signs, see if they resonate with you, and think about how you can correct your ego.
Egocentrism has no place in a relationship. Or rather, there is no room for a relationship when one of the partners is chronically preoccupied with themselves.
If you put yourself above your partner, put your own needs first, and generally have one-sided conversations, it’s likely that ego is at the forefront. But before you completely ruin the show, try to bring some balance to your relationship. These are the three Cs – care, living together and working together. Number one is the loneliest, so get rid of your ego and welcome other numbers.
2. External criticism
The ego is like a one-sided critic, constantly voicing its opinion whether we want to hear it or not. Worse, this inner critic quickly turns into an outer commentator – we begin to believe his words and preach them to all those around us who do not conform. Instead of I’m not good at xyz, the story quickly becomes You’re not good at xyz.
You can calm this persistent critic by listening, acknowledging that these thoughts and words come from a place of uncertainty, and moving from criticism to compassion.
3. All varieties
Healthy competition is a good thing, and can even improve our relationships by bringing a little play and camaraderie into our lives, but it can also get a little boring. We all have a friend who is always in Sparzi Me mode (someone no one wants to play with!).
Don’t be such a friend. An ego obsessed with being king of the hill can cause you to trample many good relationships, so behave and don’t overreact.
4. Pride comes before a fall
Ah, pride. Too little can undermine our self-esteem, and too much can make us feel arrogant. The blow to your ego may seem big, but beware of the consequences of placing too much importance on your ego….. Well, your best interests.
It is difficult to find common ground when ego is at the forefront. But once you accept that you are much more than your material possessions, accomplishments or gifts, you can begin to relax into an honest and quiet dignity that inspires those around you to walk around with their heads held high.
5. Fingers pointed
Those who are quick to point the finger at their partner or friends often have no one to blame but themselves. But when your ego claims that everyone is wrong but you, it’s hard not to blame others.
Take responsibility and admit when you make accusations without considering the situation. Make the effort to understand the situation and check all aspects before you pull the trigger. There are no winners in the blackmail game (see #3).
6. If you can’t love yourself
Everything comes down to love; self-love in particular is the cornerstone of our relationships with others. Its absence leads to feelings of rejection and unworthiness, which in turn can lead to possessiveness towards our partners and unhealthy attachments in our relationships. And when we fail to express love for ourselves, we tend to take on the ego’s favorite role – that of martyr.
All you need is love, maybe an exaggeration, but it’s a universal truth. Love is the key to overcoming the ego’s self-limiting beliefs. If you find that your relationship isn’t working, try starting with a relationship with yourself, not with the ego, but with your true self. The timeless and eternal essence of your being.
The idea is not to suppress the ego (it is an integral part of you, whether you like it or not). Just make an effort to understand it, explore it with childlike curiosity and overcome the aspects that limit your growth and hinder your relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you solve ego problems in a relationship?
The ego is the part of the personality that is concerned with one’s own self-image and self-esteem. It can be a difficult thing to deal with in a relationship, but it can also be an important part of what makes us who we are.
How do I get rid of my love ego?
You can’t get rid of your love ego. It’s a part of you that is always there, and it will never go away.
How do you tell if you’re ruining your relationship?
If you’re constantly fighting, arguing, or feeling like you can’t be yourself around your partner, then it’s possible that you’re ruining your relationship.